fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
