I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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