my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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