I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
