so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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