I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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