It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
