my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
