these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
