I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
