thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
