and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She's the barista slut.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
