he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
