Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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