I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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