You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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