we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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