I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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