I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
