at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
