This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i love accidental penises.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
