Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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