Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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