At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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