I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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