Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
