Just fell off a train. Bad.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
