I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
