I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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