i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
