There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
