I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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