no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You ruined the universe
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
