the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
