Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
