you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
