He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
