My boss' voice literally gives me gas
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just had sex on a roof
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
