Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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