I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
