Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
