Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
