somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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