Will you blow on my dice?
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
