You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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