Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
