The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
