I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
