People in love make me want to vomit
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this will be a night to untag.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
