My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
