It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
