The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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