She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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